The third age: Between 'middle-aged' and 'old' - opinion

Wordreference.com defines it as the period that comes after middle age but before old age, when people are still active and not yet frail. (That did make me question whether, by being active forever, I might never reach old age – or whether I am almost there already but simply won’t admit it.)

My editor also connected the third age theme with “seniors” and the “golden age,” leaving me to explore just what defines “senior” and what is so “golden” about this time of life. My reading again suggests that from approximately age 65 to 80, when the working and child-rearing years are over – often coinciding with a move to part-time employment or retirement – one theoretically enters the "golden years" of newfound freedom.

Given that people now generally live longer, are healthier and more active, this third age has the potential to be quite exciting. This in itself is something to look forward to, especially if your physical and mental health are reasonably good and you can maintain a level of independence and comfort that works for you.

This is perhaps, at last, a time when you can more deliberately pursue various interests and hobbies, learning, courses, travel – and make choices as to how you would like to live both today and in the future. With fewer responsibilities and almost limitless possibilities, you can work to make this dream become your reality.

As such, this is a golden opportunity not to be missed. Here are some suggestions to help you get there.

Check out your physical well-being. My dad of blessed memory used to say that if you have your health, you have everything. As a child, this escaped me – but now as I have grown older, I realize it is truly important to recognize that your health is worth everything, and you need to guard it as best as you can.

Look at your eating habits, sleep, hygiene, how much exercise you get and, in general, assess where there is room for improvement. Small steps now will enable you to be more focused, achieve permanent lifestyle changes, and reach goals.

A checkup with your doctor may also allow you to express and prioritize your concerns and better manage any health issues. Determine if anything stands in your way and ask yourself in partnership with your doctor what might be the best way to move forward. You may discover things you might not have thought of.

Evaluate your social life. What is it like? Do you feel supported, strengthened, and connected to others – be it family or friends – or isolated and lonely? How often do you feel this way?

People with strong, supportive social relationships are generally happier, feel more enriched, and are more productive. When you get together with friends, do you share common interests – and is this time enjoyable? Do your relationships feel nourishing and exciting?

Do you spend your time in a meaningful way? Is your day scheduled to let you be as active and involved with others as you would like, but also include the down time as you need?

Would you enjoy spending a part of your day, for example, on an active, all-inclusive program several days a week in a mo’adon (club) with other like-minded people, an afternoon of bridge or mahjong, attending a concert or lecture, lunch with friends, and more?

What would make your day and week a good one – and how and who can help make this happen? Do you talk on the phone with friends? What is your digital life like, and are you in contact with family abroad? As you look at your week, what – if anything – is missing?

Look at how you spend your leisure time. Do you make the most of it, and do you enjoy the times you are alone and also in the company of others? Do you like to read, paint, garden, watch TV – or prefer to spend time on your computer?

With fewer demands, do you have enough time to focus on your own creative pursuits or to “just be,” but not so much time that you’re feeling bored? Do you enjoy volunteering and contributing to your community? For your own personal growth and with fewer demands from others, this may be the perfect time to explore new opportunities.

Assess your mental state. Are you generally happy or do you feel down and depressed? What is missing in your life and what might make things better?

As you get older, it is inevitable that you will lose loved ones and find yourself more frequently attending funerals and making shiva calls. These multiple losses may leave you at times feeling very much alone.

Do you have someone you can talk to and share your feelings? Do you find yourself being negatively influenced by those around you, as many conversations seem to center around “organ recitals” and other health issues? Do you feel frustrated or scared as you watch others experiencing physical issues, cognitive decline, memory issues, unexpected anger outbursts, or even end-of-life decisions?

Do you see their or your independence being threatened – and is this distressing? Do you find yourself distancing yourself from others to protect yourself?

Share your achievements. You have achieved so much over the years, and now would be a lovely time to focus on your personal goals, passing down to the next generation what has lent your life purpose. You are blessed with wisdom and a perspective that enables you to recognize what really matters. In a world so unsettled, you have much to teach and give to others.

Time seems to move more quickly now, and you may find that you have less time for trivialities and more interest in meaningful connections with those who share your values. This may indeed be the time to share your own experiences with others, spend special time with your children and grandchildren, work on a meaningful project together, or take that exciting family vacation you have always spoken about.

While moving into the third age is filled with so much potential, one must recognize the importance of achieving balance as you try to be there for your very busy and overwhelmed children and for your partner, friends, and family, who may have their own issues.

Remember, this is your time, and a time to slow down and define what you would like your life to look like. You are blessed with a deep sense of perspective and can create your own sense of calm and well-being. This offers you the opportunity to embrace today with curiosity, while honoring the person you are.

At times this may feel challenging, and you may want to ask for help from others. If today is not all that you would like it to be, reach out and talk to someone – your physician, rabbi, or psychologist. There will always be a listening ear on the other end. You are not alone. 