The following scene is very familiar to parents with ADHD: It’s 07:50 in the morning. The child is crying because he can’t find the left shoe, you’re trying to make a sandwich with one hand while frantically searching for the car keys with the other, and inside your head, thoughts are running simultaneously about the work presentation, the laundry you didn’t hang, and the stressful WhatsApp message from the teacher that you just remembered (“Today you need to bring a white shirt!”).
For years, we’ve gotten used to talking about “children with ADHD.” But what happens when those children grow up and become parents themselves?
Many parents discover their own ADHD only when their child is diagnosed (“Wait, that’s exactly what I was like as a child”). Suddenly, the penny drops: The difficulty of managing a household, remembering doctor’s appointments, keeping track of homework, and staying patient amid noise—it’s not a character flaw or “laziness,” but a neurological difficulty.
Parenting demands exactly what the ADHD brain lacks: Executive functions. Order, organization, consistency, and planning. So how do you raise children without collapsing?
6 Tools That Will Bring Order to Your Head and Your Home
1. The “Launch Station” (or: The tip that will save your morning)
Your brain doesn’t like searching for things under pressure. Don’t rely on your memory in the morning—it’s still asleep.
The tip: Create a “launch station” at the entrance to the house. A basket or a fixed shelf where you place only the items you leave the house with: Keys, wallet, glasses, and charger.
In addition, try to prepare the bags, clothes, and sandwiches (yes, even the lunch box) the night before. Why? Because in the evening your brain is calmer. In the morning, every small decision like “Which shirt should I wear?” wastes precious “attention fuel” that your brain needs for work.
2. WhatsApp Groups: Managing the Monster
Parents with ADHD are easily overwhelmed by stimuli. The constant buzzing from the “Shoshana Kindergarten” or “G3 Parents” group is a sure recipe for distraction and anxiety about things we might miss.
The tip: Use technology to your advantage.
• Mute: Mute all groups for a whole year. Enter them only once a day at a fixed time to get updates.
• Pin: Pin only the truly critical groups at the top of the list (nuclear family, spouse/partner).
• Search: Don’t try to panic-scroll backward to find when parents’ day is. Use the WhatsApp search bar with keywords (“parents’ meeting,” “trip,” “bring”).
3. Visual Timer: Defeating “Time Blindness”
One of the classic problems of ADHD is a distorted sense of time. For example, the feeling of “I have plenty of time” suddenly turns into “Shit, we’re 20 minutes late.” Parents with ADHD also don’t fully grasp what “another quarter of an hour” really means.
The tip: Buy a large hourglass, a simple kitchen timer, or download a visual timer app (where you see the red circle gradually disappearing). Place it in the living room during getting-ready time. When you physically see time “running out” in front of your eyes, it’s easier to focus and get the kids into the shower without shouting and without surprises.
4. The Big Nightmare: “The Child Is Still at Kindergarten!”
Do you know that moment when you’re deeply immersed in a work task (“hyper-focus”), convinced it’s 15:30, and suddenly discover it’s already 16:45 and the child will once again be the last one left at kindergarten? For parents with ADHD, this situation causes terrible guilt, but it stems purely from over-concentration elsewhere.
The tip: Don’t rely on the clock in your head. Set a “double alarm” on your phone—not just a calendar reminder that’s easy to swipe away: First alarm at 15:30 (“start wrapping things up”), and a second alarm at 15:50 (“leave the house now!”).
5. Delegation: You Don’t Have to Be Heroes
Parents with ADHD tend toward perfectionism in order to compensate for their inner sense of chaos. They try to do everything themselves and collapse under the load.
The tip: It’s perfectly fine to “buy” your peace of mind. If folding laundry makes you want to cry, pay a teenager to do it, or simply make peace with a pile of clothes on the chair. Order groceries online so you don’t scatter in the supermarket aisles, and use shortcuts like frozen pre-cut vegetables. The goal is a sane, calm parent—not a chef parent.
6. Transparency With the Kids: It’s Okay to Say “This Is Hard for Me”
Children of parents with ADHD sometimes experience the parent as “angry” or “impatient,” when in fact the parent is simply in sensory overload: Too much noise, mess, and shouting at the same time.
The tip: Mediate the situation for them. Instead of exploding, say: “Mom’s brain is too overloaded by noise right now, I need 5 minutes of quiet in the room to recharge and then I’ll come play.” When you normalize the difficulty and talk about emotions, you also teach your children—who are likely to have inherited ADHD as well—an important lesson in emotional regulation.
And finally, a kind word
Parents with ADHD also have enormous advantages that are important to remember: They are creative, spontaneous, funny, easygoing, and understand their children better than anyone, because they can truly relate to them. Your house may not always be perfectly organized “like a museum,” but it is certainly an interesting, warm, and happy home—and that’s what matters.
Dr. Shirley Hershko is a senior expert in Israel in the field of ADHD, a researcher and author, a lecturer at the Hebrew University, the owner of an institute for diagnosis and treatment for children and adults, and has five bestselling books behind her, as well as an additional new book.