When I was young, I probably thought that the good life – la dolce vita – meant wearing Prada and Gucci and living in a villa with an ocean view. These are the benefits of wealth, but it has never been proven that money buys happiness.
Life is a matter of choices; something like being in a cafeteria, choosing dishes as you pass along the line. But the choices we make in life are critical to our happiness and our future.
“The good life” means different things to different people. The older you get, the less you define it in material terms. Although I am 94 and now physically disabled, I feel that I am having a good life because of what I have acquired – not riches but choices I made because of lessons people taught me.
I don’t have all the answers, but I love the Chinese proverb “A bird does not sing because it has an answer; it sings because it has a song.”
Here are some of the lessons I learned that have enriched my life:
Never laugh at anyone’s dreams
I learned that when I was 16 and met a Scottish lady in Australia named Esther Paterson, a well-known artist and member of the Royal Academy.
Apart from my mother, she was the only person I confided in about my dream to be a writer. She gave me so much encouragement and support that I was able to follow the dream for my whole life, taking rejections in my stride and confident that I would one day reach my goal.
I have never forgotten that wonderful woman, and my novel Esther is dedicated to her memory.
Identify and pursue your true passions
If you want something badly enough, you’ll attain it. The world is full of amazing people who have achieved their goals despite difficulties.
Take Gen. Colin Powell, who became head of the US Joint Chiefs of Staff. He was a black man who came from one of the worst slums in America, but he was proud of his heritage. Instead of letting it be his problem, he let it be other people’s problem – if they were racist.
He never allowed himself to adopt the victim mentality, which implies that a person is powerless and at the mercy of others. He lived life in his own skin.
Great achievements involve great risks
In 1990, during the Wimbledon Tennis Tournament, 15-year-old Monica Seles had to play Zina Garrison. Because she was scared, Seles was going for the safe shots only.
Her opponent played an offensive game that resulted in advantage, game, set, and match for Garrison. Seles said it taught her a lesson: It’s better to perform to your potential than to concentrate on minimizing your losses.
Cus d’Amato, a legendary boxing trainer, said: “Heroes and cowards feel exactly the same fear. Heroes just react to it differently.”
If you focus on the positive, that image in your mind fires the nervous system the same way as actually doing it.
Learn from your mistakes
We all make mistakes, but you should take immediate steps to correct them. Disappointment always precedes success. What’s important when you lose is not to lose the lesson.
There are many small steps that have contributed to my feeling of living the good life, and all of them have been learned from people I met at different times.
Generosity makes the giver feel good, so cheerfully give people more than they expect. Say “I love you” when you feel it in your heart. Learn the three Rs: respect for self, respect for others, and responsibility for your actions.
To engender good feelings, stop and have a conversation with an elderly neighbor or a lonely child. Be gentle with the earth, and enjoy the beauty of growing things. Pray when you need to; not just to ask for more but to express gratitude for what you have.
More than 2,500 years ago, Socrates wrote: “The unexamined life is not worth living.” So reflect on your life; and where you see you could have done better, try to make amends. Treasure your friends because like Ringo Starr sang: “I get by with a little help from my friends.”
You will feel that you are living the good life if you have accomplished more than you ever thought you could. It should be an exciting adventure that constantly challenges, rewards, and rejuvenates you.
We have only one life to live. Let’s try to leave the world better than we found it.
The writer is the author of 14 books. Contact her at dwaysman@gmail.com.