Last summer, in one of the lectures I gave at the OU Youth Center in a southern Israeli city, we addressed a topic that concerns us all: Social networks. But not in the usual way – not about dangers, not just statistics, but about what’s really going on there. What are we looking for, how much time do we spend there. We spoke eye-to-eye, without judgment. A real conversation.
In the middle of the lecture, a 16-year-old participant raised her hand and shared in front of everyone: “I’m on TikTok all night. I can’t fall asleep. I just scroll. Until I already have to go to school.” She wasn’t embarrassed – on the contrary. She felt there was a space that listened to her. A place for her voice.
When the session ended, nearly everyone had one request: “Just don’t tell our parents.”
Fear? Embarrassment? Or maybe something deeper – that they wouldn’t really understand?
Now summer is here again. Schools have closed their doors, screens are more present than ever, and the concerns are rising again: “How long have you been on your phone?”, “Get out of your room,” “TikTok again?”, “What are you doing there all day?”
For many parents, the conversation also includes a sense of technological control: Tracking apps, screen time limits, daily reports. Tools that give the sense that we “see” the child – but in practice, don’t really hear them.
Control or Lack of Dialogue?
Is control really what’s needed here? What if the problem isn’t the screen, but the lack of conversation? What if teenagers don’t need more supervision but more space? Fewer restrictions and more presence?
A recent study by Prof. Yaniv Efrati from the School of Education at Bar-Ilan University provides deep insight into the extent of teens’ digital use. In a study conducted during the “Iron Swords” war, alarming findings were revealed: 91% of Israeli teens use social media problematically, and 82% are at high risk of addiction.
Efrati emphasizes that the abundance of emotional and intellectual “reinforcements” received online, along with the immediate quiet that comes with scrolling, can create emotional addiction – a flood of need to be in a safe place, a temporary refuge that replaces intimacy, visibility, and uniqueness.
But instead of choosing technical control, it is recommended to allow conversation and emotional support that strengthen teenagers’ ability to turn their attention inward and deal with reality – not just screen time, but their own strengths and emotions. These findings are not just alarming statistics. They are a deep call for parents, educators, and professionals to build meaningful connections as a way of coping.
Recent studies in informal education and emotional-social development consistently show that a relationship with a significant adult – not necessarily a parent or teacher, but someone who is there, listens, and cares – is one of the key factors in teens’ emotional well-being. Open, mutual conversation, even when it’s not “perfect,” creates a sense of belonging, reduces loneliness, and increases internal responsibility, even when facing challenges like screen addiction.
As a mother, researcher, and informal education professional in the field, I see again and again the power of authentic encounters. Teenagers are not looking for correction – but connection. Not control, but closeness. Not more limitations, but meaning.
So how do we actually approach this summer? How can we turn vacation into a time of choice, connection, and growth?
<br>Six Simple Directions to Get Started
1. Let the screen work for you
The phone doesn’t have to be just a way to pass the time – it can be a tool for self-expression. A personal blog, a content channel, an interview series on TikTok, documentation of a social project – when the screen serves you rather than controls you, it becomes a stage, not a hole.
2. Follow curiosity, not likes and views
What makes you stop and think? What moves you? Make space for what sparks your curiosity: Art, current events, tech, music – and turn it into a personal project, an inspiration page, or a place to share your creations.
3. Be meaningful to someone else
Summer is a great time to notice those around us: Reserve soldier families, elderly neighbors, grandparents, kids who need activities. Doing and volunteering for others not only helps – it fulfills. Every small action creates change. There are many opportunities and needs in the volunteering space – you can start with a quick search on social networks or through your city’s youth departments and volunteer coordinators.
4. Talk eye-to-eye – even at home
A good conversation doesn’t begin with blame but with listening. Talk with parents, counselors, friends – about what’s really going on. Make room for open, honest, eye-level dialogue. You’ll be surprised how much can shift when someone truly listens.
5. Plan the summer – don’t just survive it
You don’t need a strict schedule or sunrise alarms, but it’s worth planning: What do I want to achieve? How do I want to feel? What do I want to happen by summer’s end? What personal goals do I want to set? A summer with direction – even flexible – creates a sense of control, satisfaction, and progress, rather than just survival.
6. Get outside!
In every city, town, or municipality, you’ll almost always find youth activities: In the youth department, movements, organizations, or community centers. You don’t have to commit right away – you can just attend one activity, alone or with friends, and see what suits you.
Sometimes, one encounter with a good counselor or an interesting group can open up worlds you never knew. Informal education is exactly the place where you don’t just learn – you create, lead, experience, and meet people who might become part of your story.
Screens are not going to disappear. On the contrary, they will increasingly become a part of our lives. But the big question is: Do we control them – or do they control us? And the answer begins with a choice. The choice to ask. The choice to listen. The choice to act.
Racheli Amar-Ninio is Director of Training and Development at OU Israel