Hebrew is a very challenging language to learn - some might argue one of the toughest in the world. Many olim (new immigrants) who are still breaking their teeth learning the language can attest that they have at one point or another embarrassed themselves profusely either by misunderstanding, mishearing, or mispronouncing a word. Sometimes we butcher the word entirely - often confidently - only to be met with a confused or amused look, or uncontrollable laughter.
In Hebrew we call these incidents “פדיחות - fedichot” - embarrassing blunders. In English, I would call them “language mishaps or barriers.” In any case, despite the humiliation and awkwardness experienced as a result, these mishaps often make for humorous and/or cringeworthy stories that help lighten the often mentally taxing experience that is living in Israel as an oleh.
I’m sure many of you have heard the classic tale of the poor ‘Anglo’ lady screaming as she gets off the bus: אני יולדת!! (I’m giving birth), when she clearly means אני יורדת (I’m getting off). I wonder how people would respond if she actually were visibly pregnant...
Personally, I have certainly experienced my own fair share of language mishaps, especially when I first made aliyah, but even now, having lived in Israel for over three years. Once, when talking with an Israeli, I asked them to correct my Hebrew if I made a mistake, but instead of saying תתקני אותי (correct me), I said תקני אותי (buy me).
On another occasion, I told my friends that we had had קציצות (meatballs) at my previous job, when I’d meant to say קיצוצים (cuts or layoffs), and that I had ordered עדשות (contact lenses) for lunch instead of עדשים (lentils). After my Israeli friends had finished laughing at me, they kindly explained what was so hilarious and corrected my mistakes.
My favorite story though, has to be my visit to the neurologist. When taking my case history, the doctor asked if I was ימין or שמאל? Slightly confused as to why my neurologist was asking me about my political stance, but assuming that she was just making polite conversation, I responded that I was neither. I was balanced. A centrist. Baffled, the doctor repeated the question again, thinking that I had misunderstood. So I, of course, thinking that this neurologist was a little dumb, explained that I preferred not to go into politics. This time, bursting out laughing, much to my confusion, the doctor took my hands in hers and repeated her question for the third time, lifting my right hand then my left respectively - Are you ימין (right-handed) or שמאל (left-handed)?
Below are some stories of embarrassing, yet funny, language mishaps that several olim from various countries have experienced.
A young olah from America, Meira shared that she consistently asks for a תמנון (octopus) instead of a תמונה (picture), and a דרכון (passport) instead of a חשבון (cheque).
Elana, another olah from America, once dated an Israeli man who didn’t understand English very well. At the time, Elana’s Hebrew wasn’t as good as it is now. So in order to communicate, the couple often used Google Translate. On one occasion, they were discussing cultural differences and backgrounds. Elana was trying to explain that she was frustrated about something, but she forgot the word in Hebrew (מתוסכל). However, for some reason when she tried to look up the word, google translate gave her the word פסכל - the lizard from the movie Tangled. “So instead of finding the word I was looking for, we ended up talking about the lizard from Tangled,” Elana told me when recounting the story.
A doctor, living and working in Jerusalem at the time, Jessica from Argentina didn't know much Hebrew when she first arrived in Israel. So instead of telling people that she worked in רפואת דחופה (emergency medicine), she proudly went around saying that she worked in רפואת דפוקה (crazy/messed-up medicine). Perhaps even more misleading was the fact that she also referred to her ex-boyfriend as her אקסית (ex-girlfriend), not realizing that the term for 'ex' was gendered.
Sometimes our language mishaps can be very misleading and have unfortunate consequences.
Unintended consequences
An olah from France, Clara told the story of her unfortunate encounter on a train in Israel. One day as she was travelling, minding her own business, a woman came up to her and asked her if the current stop was the שדה (airport = שדה התעופה). Not understanding what this word meant, Clara responded no, it wasn’t. As the train pulled away, the woman asked her, “So what stop was it?”
“Ben-Gurion Airport,” responded Clara nonchalantly. Suddenly, the lady was freaking out, shouting “What?! why didn’t you tell me?!” Clara felt so bad. “Poor lady,” she told me when recounting the story.
In one particularly awkward incident, Rachel, a young olah from London, related that not long ago, she was searching for a new apartment on various Facebook groups. As she was scrolling, she came across a post that was written in Hebrew where one of the criteria listed and starred several times was רק לבנים. Interpreting this to mean “only whites” allowed, Rachel was immediately outraged and was about to report the people who had written the post. It was only later that night, while browsing the Facebook apartment groups again, upon seeing that many posts had also written רק לבנים, that she realized it actually meant “only boys,” and that those posting it were not in fact racists.
On another unfortunate occasion, my friend Joseph shared how an Israeli friend tricked him by telling him that a Hebrew swear word was actually a friendly greeting. It’s safe to say that when my friend greeted his boss using this word - the outcome was not so friendly.
Now dating an Israeli man, Joseph shared that the biggest challenge for him was communicating with his partner’s parents, who don’t speak English very well. Once, at a meal at their house, Joseph recounted how his plate kept filling up because he didn’t know how to turn down food politely in Hebrew.
While these incidents often make us want to jump into the nearest ditch and are indeed very frustrating when trying to learn a new language and communicate with Israelis, there's also a certain relatable comfort in knowing that you are not alone. It affects olim from all over the world. These incidents also remind us that communication can transcend words and that humor is often our best survival tool. Being able to laugh at ourselves allows us to connect with others and provides some much-needed relatable humor and respite amid the everyday challenges of living in Israel as an oleh.
So next time you shout “אני יולדת” by mistake or order contact lenses for lunch — know that you’re in good company.